The Kilt Guy: Wedding and Wildcats John Creagar October 16, 2013 Features, The Kilt Guy Many months ago, I accepted a wedding invitation from an old friend. I knew that the wedding itself was on the same day as the K-State/Baylor game, but figured there was no way both would occur at 2:30. I was wrong. The experience was tough, but it has allowed me to share with you, my dear readers, how one can successfully “attend” both a wedding and a K-State game. This is going to be one for the gents, because I still have figured out how to hide the wires in my strapless dress. The Prep Make sure that you have all the tools you will need. These include a fully charged phone – with your favorite game update app downloaded and updated, small earbud headphones (black is preferred), a small radio, and a prearranged insider to send text updates, and a purple tie. It is best to have a separate radio, because you can hide it while keeping the phone free for twitter and text updates. When getting dressed, run the headphones up the inside of your shirt, up the neckline, and secure it in your ear. Long hair helps to hide the earbud. If you have short hair, no worries. Just grab a pair of dark sunglasses, and sit at the back of the wedding chapel. Every once in a while, put your hand to your ear, whisper something unintelligible, and stare hard at the crowd while placing your right hand inside your jacket, as though reaching for your gun. Everyone will assume you are security. All weddings have security these days. Make sure that the phone is on silent, and that you have a place to keep it where you can look at it without being obvious. If you have a date to the wedding, you might want to keep it taped to her arm or figure out a way to incorporate your phone into her hair. That way, it will just look like you are gazing at her, and not watching for updates. A gentle brushing away of her hair can cover any button pushing. If you get a text you need to respond to, pretend to be searching for lice. Everyone appreciates a clean wedding environment, so no one will find this odd. The Ceremony Try to find a place towards the back. This will give you some freedom to make the arm motions you need on first downs without accidentally to the union you are there to watch. It will also give you a quick exit if you decide that the purple tie you wore is not bringing enough luck, and you need to change into a full on jersey/hat/socks/cape combo. If possible, have your date sit in front of you, with the phone again secured in her hair or the back of her dress. If you have no date, try to sit behind an elderly relative of the groom who might not be entirely “present”, and lean your phone against the person. If you are in the back row, this will allow you to watch game updates on your phone without breaking line of site with the bride and groom. Everyone will appreciate your attentiveness. Try to avoid yelling at the game. Especially in negative ways. Shouting “Go Cats” can probably be seen as you being excited for these cool cats getting married, but an anguished “You guys are idiots” can put you in a rough spot. The Reception Try your best to get your own table, again towards the back. If the reception is in a bar, sitting at the bar and watching the game is perfectly acceptable, as long as you participate in the toasts. If you cannot hear the toasts because of the game volume, a helpful hint is to watch the wedding party. They have to be involved, so when they raise their glasses, you know to as well. Usually the groom really wants to know the score of the game, and how the team is looking. If you cannot simply pull the groom aside to tell him, try to incorporate the stats into a well crafted toast. Something like, “Ever since the Jim met Sue, I knew that these Cats would have a ball. Some say that the wedding day is like being in the 4rd quarter with 4 minutes to go, and I just hope that these Cats make it from their 30s all the way to a big score. Right now they are up by 3….years of love, but that margin needs to be extended for this love to last. There are no more timeouts in this relationship, so be careful in how you manage the clock…of love. Oh, and the fumble in the third was a terrible call. Salud!” It is appropriate, if the reception is running late, to leave in order to catch the last few minutes of the game. Most couples expect this, and would be insulted if you stayed. If you follow these simple suggestions, your friends will think you a classy guy, and no one will be the wiser as to what you are up to on game day. Happy wedding/watching!