Open Mike: Snyderese Mike Tufano July 24, 2014 Features, Open Mike With Big 12 Media Days come and gone, we’ve gotten just a taste of the football glory that is to come. And as per usual, we did it without Bill Snyder saying anything. Before every press conference Twitter lights up with jokes about how the legendary coach won’t give anything away. And it’s true. His answers are as vanilla as they come. But is he really not saying anything? Long time K-State fans have learned to read between the lines, but for the sake of the thousands of people that join the EMAW bandwagon each day, here’s your primer on translating Snyderese1. What he said: Probably as any season we’re anxious for it to begin. It will happen very quickly. Summer is disappearing in a heartbeat. What he meant: There are currently 37 days, 5 hours, 23 minutes, and 16 seconds until kickoff. I have every minute of it scheduled, and you’re not supposed to be on that schedule. What he said: There’s seven of us here from Kansas State University right now . . . As you visit with them, you’ll realize that they’re quality young men and wonderful people, great representatives of our university and great representatives of the conference. What he meant: See these guys? It’s Kansas STATE. Not that joke down the road. Remember that during your tv broadcasts. What he said: My degree of optimism is negotiated daily, I think, and the mantra of our program has always been centered around that daily improvement . . . I would share a fairly high degree of optimism for today, but tomorrow’s a new day and we’ll see how that goes. What he meant: Satisfaction is for losers. I’ll be satisfied when we’re holding a trophy at the end of the year. Maybe. What he said: Tyler has taken perhaps the same road as Aaron and Kevin did when they were in our program. Worked diligently at trying to be better people, better family members, better players, better students, et cetera, day in, day out . . . So just a young guy that he’s got all his marbles in the right place. What he meant: Have you seen the size of those marbles? What he said: We were 2-4 the first half of the season and lost the very first ballgame to a very fine North Dakota State University team, but a game that we were supposed to win. What he meant: F@&#ing North Dakota State. What he said: And I think that the way that our young people finished the season allowed them to understand the value of not taking anything for granted because they certainly didn’t toward the end of the season or the last half of the season and preparing yourself that way on a very consistent basis. What he meant: You think that’s going to f@&#ing happen again? What he said: And my — I don’t know, we’ve been to 16, 18 Bowls at Kansas State, but I cannot recall a preparation that was as pleasing to me as the one that took place this past season. What he meant: I know it’s 17 bowls if you count the one before me and the one that douche took my players to. Plan on the 18th this year. And then 19. This. Year. What he said: The age factor, I can’t negotiate that. It is what it is. And I’m as old as time and that’s not going to change. What he meant: I am Bill Snyder of the Clan Wildcat. I was born in 1939 in the village of St. Joe on the shores of the Missouri. And I am immortal. What he said: Didn’t tell you anything, did I (laughter)? What he meant: I’m laughing at you, not with you. Now we’re done here. I’m getting a taco and going back to work.Notes: I would guess that Coach Snyder would think this was making fun of him if he read this. Obviously that’s not the case. I’m not sure there’s a sports figure that I look up to and respect more. Luckily he’s watching film and scheming, ever scheming for a Wildcat victory… not anywhere near reading this. [↩] K-State fans, we salute you!